Changing of the Guard

Welcome to the New Year! I have no doubt that this year will bring many new and interesting things into my life. Some good, some bad, but never boring. Ever since I came to myself, and got clean, he only New Years resolution Ive had is to enjoy every minute of my life! I want to grab hold of the good things and never let go. The bad things, well, I hope they just slide off my back like water. Everyday is a new day to be thankful for. Even the ugly things in life are just learning experiences to be greatful for. I know all the mistakes Ive made and, hopefully, learned from, have brought me to where I am now. I would like to think, it's a better place, with better people. Many things have changed for me in the last year, new job, renewing old friendships, starting new ones. I just hope that I never take the good things in my life for granted, because I know, sometimes they go away. Even when you dont want them to. Today, Im most greatful for an awesome kid, a passionately loyal best friend, and a boyfriend that makes my toes curl and makes me feel special. I hope that you all have a blessed New Year!




Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time we do. ConfuciusChinese philosopher & reformer (551 BC - 479 BC)

Betty and The Boaby

Finally! Christmas is over!!! I know that may seem a very scrooge like attitude, but really it's not. It isnt that I dont love Christmas, I do. All the time spent with family and friends. It's all the traffic and rude people in the stores that I cant stand. Once I get past New Years I can relax again. I was supposed to be mocing out of my parents house, but unfortunately it looks like I wont be. My boyfriend says it's too soon for us to move in together, even though, he had every intention of spending the night with me, or having me spend the night with him after I moved. What's the difference you ask? Honestly, I dont know. Other than where my toothbrush resides....Cant make him though; can I? Ohh well, Im determined to have the whole enchilada, so Im just going to keep hanging in there til he's ready. Hope he gets back on the horse soon....



Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese. G. K. ChestertonEnglish author & mystery novelist (1874 - 1936)

The Next Shite Will be a Hedgehog

Well, I screwed up. I let myself get involved in someone else's affairs and it's coming back to bite us both in the a$$. I feel deeply grieved for my part in the whole mess, seeing as it has caused a dear friend more troubles. I would fix it if I could, but I think Ive done enough.....I just pray that all will work out to her happiness in the end. That's all I really wanted anyway...



Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake. Victor HugoFrench dramatist, novelist, & poet (1802 - 1885)

Silver Bells

Short and sweet today then. Merry Christmas and Happy Hannakuh. I hope all you Christmas wishes come true. Mine have.



Stuff your eyes with wonder . . . live as if you'd drop dead in ten seconds. See the world. It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories Ray Bradbury, "Fahrenheit 451"

Matters of the Heart

Lately things havent been so good for my best friend. She's having financial trouble, family trouble, guy trouble.....That whole, if anything can go wrong it will, trouble. I do my best to encourage her, but that only goes so far. I would pay all her bills, but I dont have quite enough money for that either. I wish I did. She is more like a sister than a friend. The kind of friend where, if I went to jail I wouldnt be calling her to bail me out, she would be sitting there with me saying, man that was fun! I will be moving in with her in a couple of weeks, hopefully, I will be able to help her more financially then. I pray that she will have true joy in her life. I want that for her more than anything. No matter what, I know, we can always count on each other. We have a little bucket, sometimes she fills it, I empty it. At the moment Im filling and she's taking. In the ned it always evens itself out.




The only thing that lasts longer than a friend's love is the stupidity that keeps us from knowing any better. Randy K. Milholland, Something Positive Comic, 09-07-06Webcomic pioneer

Rhapsody in Love

I believe I have mentioned that I recently started dating again. My bestest friend introduced me to someone she worked with. She says: Ohh you guys are perfect for each other! I of course wanted to run away far and fast after she said that. I thought it could only mean bad things. Then I met him. You had me at hello comes to mind. For once in our crazy lives she was right. He's everything I thought I didnt want, which is why he's so perfect for me. I know that sounds like a wonky contradiction, but it's really not. Some times you dont know what you need until you actually have it. Mr. Wonderful is just that, wonderful. He's been hurt alot like I have, but unlike me, he wants to take the baby steps. Meanwhile, Im ready to give him all my tomorrows. Is that totally nutzo? it may be, but I never was one for the holding back. Im an all or nothing kinda gal, always have been. As seen in my earlier blog entries. I guess Ive just had enough of the wrong things to know when the right one comes along. There is something to be said for experience. Even if they were bad ones. I would like to think I have learned something in the last three years. Mostly that when you find a good thing, you never let it go! So baby, if you read this I just want you to know that I pray you will live a 1000 years, and that I would live just one day less, so I will never have to live without the pleasure of your company!



Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments. Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove: O no! it is an ever-fixed mark That looks on tempests and is never shaken. Shakespeare 116th Sonnet

Threnody of Life

So anyway, maybe I shouldnt be so hard on my mum. I know she loves me, and wants what's best for me. The problem is, what she thinks is best for me, and what I think is best clash on the best of days. The constant arguing is a detriment to my peace of mind. I wish she would exhibit the same patience with me that she extends toward others. That would be so nice. Right now the only time I get any peace of mind is at my boyfriends house or my best friends. Of course the more time I spend away from hom, the more she complains. My son and I talk about this regularly and we have a sort of understanding. he knows we cant talk with them in the house, because they always jump in the middle. I wish I could find some way to have peace in my house, AND personal joy and happiness. At the moment, it just doesnt seem possible....



There are laws for everything except the harm families do. Sue Grafton, "D" is for DeadbeatUS mystery novelist (1940 - )

The Palace of Winter

I recently started dating again. I would like to mention now, that Ive been single for 3 years! Getting myself together and all that. I guess I just wasnt ready until now. For once I managed to find a guy that was a complate wanker, but what do my parents think? That I should be a nun, at least that's the vibe Im getting. Now my house is an ugly cold place. My mum is either complaining or yeeling about, well, everything. Her current bitch is that I spend more time with him than with my family, which is not true. I wonder if it ever occured to her that I spend so much time away from home to get away from her mouth. That would probably be more than she could deal with if that notion aactually settled in with her. I might as well go back to school. She treats me like Im still a teenager, rather than a grown woman, with my own thoughts and feelings....With my own life, things that dont include her all the time. Ive spent my whole life trying to understand, I have finally realized, I never will....


Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Dale Carnegie

The Bad Place

Have you ever come to a point in your life, after all the bad times, when everything is so good, you just know you're gonna lose it all? Welcome to my world. Ive never done anything to deserve good things, definitely not great things. Then a great thing comes along and you just know it's too good to be true. You wait and wait for the other shoe too drop. Always holding your breath, watching your back.....and with the waiting. Always the waiting. I havent had many good things in my life. Now that Ive come to a place where I do have good things, Im always scared Im going to lose it. I spend all my time selling myself, always afraid that who I am, what I am, will never be enough. Just like you sell yourself at a job interview. Really,at the end of the day, it's just another form of prostitution. Isnt it. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever feel deserving, or worthwhile. My heart hopes, and waits. Longing for the day.......