As the Fishbowl Turns

Life is always the same. I'm not sure why it took me so long to notice, I guess I'm just a slow learner. The same things happen everyday, just in a different place, with different people(sometimes). Maybe, this is just an elaborate way of saying I'm bored. Bored, with the daily grind, wanting to do, to be something different, better than what I am. No one seems to have any good advice for me, even though, everyone is always asking me for some. Of course there's always the possibility that the people I know are just wiser than me and show it by keeping their mouths shut. Maybe, I'm just the fool; or perhaps I'm simply deaf to what they're saying. It's more likely that I dont need advice. I'm just to afraid to step out my own front door. I suppose I could be on the edge of some great epiphany, I'll just wake up one morning and everything will make sense.........
"Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart give yourself to it."
-- Buddha

For Baby

ROOM IN YOUR HEART
"Sorrow fills a barren space;you close your eyes and see my faceand think of times I made you laugh,the love we shared, the bond we had, the special way I needed you - the friendship shared by just we two.
The day's too quiet, the world seems older,the wind blows now a little colder.You gaze into the empty airand look for me, but I'm not there - I'm in heaven and I watch you,and I see the world around you too.
I see little souls wearing fur,souls who bark and souls who purrborn unwanted and unloved - I see all this and more above - I watch them suffer, I see them cry,I see them lost, I watch them die.I see unwanted thousands born - and when they die, nobody mourns.
These little souls wearing fur (Some who bark and some who purr) are castaways who - unlike me - will never know love or security. A few short months they starve and roam, Or caged in shelters - nobody takes home.They're special too (furballs of pleasure),filled with love and each one, a treasure.
My pain and suffering came to an end, so don't cry for me, my person, my friend.But think of the living -those souls with fur (some who bark and some who purr) - And though our bond can't be broken apart, make room for another in your home and your heart. "
--- Caro Schubert-James

Reality Bites

When I was about 15 my dog got run over by a car and she passed away. It really sucked, (obviously), but I couldnt bear not to have a puppy in the house; so we went out the very same day and got another dog. We named her Baby. Problem was I never really bonded with her, due to the tragic circumstances under which she was acquired. So when I got married and moved out I left Baby with my mom and dad because they loved her so much. Dont get me wrong I loved the dog and she was 'mine' in the possession sense of the word, but she had bonded with my parents in a way we hadnt. Over the years going over to my parents I played with Baby and gave her treats, I loved she was part of the family. Well Baby got older, the way everything does, and on Valentines day she had to be put to sleep. She had a tumor the size of a grapefruit in her abdomen. Honestly, I dont know how there was room for anything else. She was so terribly sick and 14 years old, it seemed cruel to make her suffer thru surgeries that probably would have accomplished causing her more pain. My dad even cried, which of course, did me in since he's tough as nails, and never cries over anything. After my grandmas passing three days before Christmas, it's all just to much. I'm so depressed I cant hardly form a thought. I wonder from room to room, desperately looking for something to do. As soon as I find anything I immediately put it down and look for something else. Nothing seems to hold my attention. The hurts so deep I cant even cry. I just keep saying, 'why are you testing me God, what am I supposed to learn from this?', but if God's talking, I cant hear him. There is no "Why me God" cause I know why.....this is real life and sometimes real life sucks. It happens to everyone, but so many things in so little time, I figure, there must be a reason. I wish I could understand Gods plan for me.

"I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go. My own wisdom, and that of all about me seemed insufficient for the day."-- William Adams

Sense and Nonsense

Well I finally heard from my friend Cody. She called me to say she was moving. I was extremely happy for her. She lived in a sardine can (a.k.a. trailer), and now she'll be living or should I say is living in a four bedroom house. Naturally she asked me to help her move. I reluctantly agreed. Of course, I was right to be reluctant. She spent 90% of her time on the phone with one person or another. Mostly, her useless boyfriend, whom she was fighting with, and now has moved in with her. After I moved her in, ( man I'm such a sucker), she has gone back to ignoring me. wOOt!!!! Big surprise there. She tells me, to my face, (which I'm grateful for), that I'm such an obnoxious B**ch that she doesnt call me when things are bad cause I'll give her a hard time. Translation: She knows she is making bad decisions and doesnt want to hear the truth from people that care about her. I feel lost, I pray and ask God what I should do, but that all important small voice is silent these days.........................
"No one can solve problems for someone whose problem is that they don't want problems solved."
-- Richard Bach

The Dark Side

I've been a diabetic for nearly 27 years now. Since I've had diabetes for so long, it's hard to control my blood sugars. So last year I went on an insulin pump. Those medically inclined know what I'm talking about.........Anyway, this thing was supposed to be SO great, but no one bothered to mention the first month would be hell. No sleep blood sugars all over the place, it was a nightmare. Finally, I got eveything under better control, and I say I because my doctor didnt do jack but prescribe the thing. I felt better no more shots, it rocked!!! I did however decide to switch doctors since my old one was so complacent and non-existent during all this troubles I had. My new doc, while very nice, has started changing things around and no my blood sugar is out of control, 'again'. He seems to know what he's talking about(believe me I'd know if he didnt), so I'm trying to be patient, but I feel rotten. I feel like I've been hit by a mack truck, then drug thru a field of corn by my hair, thrown down a well and left for a week, and to top it all off my family is starting to give me a hard time about what I eat. I know they love me, but I have to eat eventually. I mean I cant go for days without food just because my sugar is high, and a girls gotta have a little chocolate now and then. It just aggravates me when they give me grief, like I havent been doing this for 27 years and I dont have a clue.....
"I haven't seen a beatin' like that since somebody stuck a banana in my pants and turned a monkey loose." - National Lampoon's Vegas Vacation, Randy Quaid

This 'N' That

I'd like to start by saying, that I'm extremely pleased to hear that Wil Wheaton's cat is doing better (relatively speaking), looks like he got the mojo!!!!! So Will if ya read this, Yeah!!! Anyhoo, on to other topics. I got good news today, I'm going to be getting Social Security. Now I know what you're thinking, she couldnt possibly be old enough for that; well I'm not. I am however sick enough to get it. I'm a diabetic and have a myriad of serious health problems, and no I dont feel badfor getting it, even with the current problems with the system. Why? You say. I cant begin to tell you how many people I've known that have gotten welfare for years, and had no business being on it. That's why I dont feel guilty, I am sick, not some sick wannabe. Almost two weeks now and still no word from my ' best friend', I've called several times once someone picked up the phone and hung it right back up. It's all on her now, I've paid my dues.
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. – Herm Albright
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
-- Albert Einstein