Only the Penitent Man Will Pass

"For all those things My hand has made, and all those things exist," Says the Lord, "but on this one I will look : On him who is poor and of a contrite spirit, and who trembles at My Word." Isaiah 66:2

I've said this before but in 2005 I went from a normal house wife to a junkie. I got clean February 28th 2006. In the last two years, I feel like God has put me through a 12 step recovery program. This is the series explaining that. I hope this will give hope and courage to someone who needs it.
When I first got clean I moved back in with my parents. I felt so dirty and ashamed of the things I'd done I couldnt look any one in the eye. I felt like I was rotten, and wasted on the inside.
When I gave my heart to the Lord I still felt......wretched. I knew I was saved but I wasnt so awful. At least I thought so. Every time I prayed, I begged God to fogive me for the terrible things I'd done. It took me a long time to realize, God had already forgiven me. When I gave my heart to Him, he cast all my sins as far as the east is from the west. The problem was, I hadnt forgiven myself. I knewI had devestated my husband, wounded my child, and given my parents much grief. Through the first few months of being clean God gave me things to do that made me feel like I was working off my debt. My debt had already been paid when Jesus died for me, but I needed to do something to feel.....normal....again. It didnt happen over night, it took months for me to feel like I deserved good things again, but I needed to get dowen on my knees and as k for forgiveness. I had to really mean it . Deep down in my heart of hearts, where I live I had to be sorry, not just sorry for doing drugs, but sorry for all the hurt I'd caused all the wrong I'd done. It doesnt mean anything, if it doeant come from the heart. I had to reach the point of true contrition to reach the next step in my recovery.

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. Mark TwainUS humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 - 1910)

I Keep Going and Going....

I have been so super busy, I just havent had time to post. Although, I will be doing a 12 part series very soon. In the last 3 years I have experienced and seen much. My physical and spiritual journey has been difficult to say the least. God has been so good to me and I really want to share the steps he has been taking me thru. I call it my 12 step progam, because thats what it is. I have been in session with the ultimate Counselor and I dont intend to leave. My road to recovery has been agonizing and incredible. I hope this helps someone else!


If the human mind was simple enough to understand, we'd be too simple to understand it. Emerson Pugh

IT's Cool It's Free

http://s7.bitefight.org/c.php?uid=117831

http://s11.gladiatus.com/game/c.php?uid=38457

Check out these two websites!!! They're really awesome web games that you can play for free!!! Free stuff totally rocks.

Sluggo Strikes Again

This video made my day!! Check out Mr. Bill.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiGCD2Z0w9s



Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. George CarlinUS comedian and actor (1937 - )

Life in the Fast Lane.

Life has been super busy in Heather's World. I got an exciting new job. Well, two actually, I'm typing a book for a friend, and I got a job as a companion to a disabled lady. On top of that I joined a commitee to help spread the Gospel in my home town. Also, I just found out yesterday, my uncle has stomach cancer, so now I have familial responsiblities as well. I prayed for things to do, never let it be said that God doesnt answer prayers hehe. I am really worried about my uncle though.

The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places. Hemingway

Wearing This Suit Does NOT Enable You to Fly

So, I have beened swamped with stuff to do. I've been typing a book for a friend, and arguing with my doctors office. My insurance hasnt been paying my dr. bills for the last year. I've made repeated phone calls, and they tell me it's fixed. Then it's not. So now, I'm in collections, and even if my insurance pays the bills, my dr.s office says I have to pay also, AND pay for the cost of the collections agency. Like that was my idea or somethin. They've been super rude as well. I cant even get my RX refilled. I cant find a new dr. that's taking patients, and billing at my old office wont let me make an appointment. I am so screwed. Any suggestions? Anyone? Anywhere?

Anybody can become angry - that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy. Aristotle

Sir, Yes Sir.

I love my dad very much, but he is a total grouch. My son copped an attitude earlier this evening. I said he needed to lose it, and (no surprise here.) my dad yelled at ME. I guess its ok for the 13 year old to say and do whatever he wants. Gotta keep the adult in line though. I mean c'mon give it a rest, take a nap, take a bath, eat a cookie, play in traffic. I dunno, somethin, anything. I thought being grown up would be easier, but I must say life at 32 is just as hard, and infinitely less fun than life at 13.

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy. Sam Levenson

Ebony and Ivory

Since, the tape of Obama's pastor was aired on television, eveything has been in an uproar. We know there is still racism in the world. That's why the world is not perfect. Personally, I dont care if the president elect has pink hair and a nose ring, as lone as they're getting the job done 'right'. Ya know what I'm sayin? Naturally people are going to be upset by what Jeremiah Wright said. They should be, and it's not about their ministries. It's about how Obama could have went to a church for church years and not known the pastor was racist. I mean c'mon. I think things should be EQUAL. That doe not mean better for whites. It does not mean better for blacks, or anyone else it means EQUAL! The SAME. What's so hard to understand about that. I'm sure that no matter who gets elected at this point, our country WILL experience civil war. It will not be pretty, and it will destroy the once great nation our forefathers fought so hard for. Sadly, alot of our forefathers were slave owners. Was there ever any chance for us?

"Remember, democracy never lasts long.
It soon wastes, exhausts, and murders itself.
There never was a democracy yet that did not commit suicide."
-- John Adams
(1735-1826) Founding Father, 2nd US President

Does Not Compute

Does DVR warp everyone? Record live tv, rewind, rewind again...... I recently got an aquarium and put some really cool fishies in it. I was watching them the other day and one of the fish did something pretty kewl. I reached for the remote so I could rewind, and watch it again......Does DVR warp everyone? Record live tv, rewind, rewind again........


Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. George CarlinUS comedian and actor (1937 - )

Bring Me A Shrubbery

I am back!! woohoo. I already typed a new post once and blogger ate it, or something...... Anyhoo, the computer virus is gone, lovely computer is home where it belongs. I missed my pc. Funny how you get spoiled for things you didnt used to miss......... I would just like to say that I tried to publish this post 8 times before it finally went up. What's up with that...

Why is this thus? What is the reason for this thusness? Artemus WardUS humorist (1834 - 1867)

Welcome To Wankerville

I have two different health insurance companies. One primary and a secondary. The secondary should pay for what the first does'nt. Haha they arent paying anything. Ive had two surgeries in the last year, unpaid for, and something like $2000 in doctors bills once again, unpaid for. I have made more phone calls than I care to think about trying to get this straightened out. Someone bring the straight-jacket, cause Im totally fried over this. I just got an exceptionally rude letter from my doctors billing office. grrrr arrgh. As if things werent bad enough. Does anyone else have this problem? Is your healthcare provider a wanker? This is why Im voting for whoever has the best healthcare program. This is so ridiculous. These insurance companies should have to be on their own programs, see how they like it!!!

Reality continues to ruin my life. Bill Watterson, Calvin and HobbesUS cartoonist (1958 - )

Digitalis

My parents recentlygot digital everything thru Time Warner Cable.
Well the digital phone was supposed to come on today. Naturally, it didnt work. So insert one call to cable in the day and you have a recipe for craziness. The lovely man on the other end of the phone said he would lable it as an emergency, since we had no phone at all. This was about 10:30a.m. fast forward to 6:00p.m. look here comes the really hot cable guy wOOt!!! He fixes it yeah but ,if that was an emergency how long would we have waited if it wasnt? Time Warner needs some competition me thinks. Although, if some thing else goes wrong mebbe (Mike),the sexy cableman will come back hehe.
Once again he says I should try out http://www.secondlife.com/ IJust dont know it seemed pretty sucky to me, I guess I should have found out his account name.....To bad. The dog liked him. I think I need a life, drooling over the cable guy is just pathetic. Hmmm, I think I'll log into second life. NOT!!

I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them. Jane AustenEnglish novelist (1775 - 1817)

The Fat Dog On Ice

Well, I dug my heels in and caught up on the presidential campaign. Ohh, did I mention that McCain is a fatuous gasbag> Anyhoo, I have to say in terms of healthcare reform Hilarys the girl. There is also a small part of me that wants to see her win just because she's a woman. Ya know Go girl power and all that. So I think I've made my choice, at least between the lesser of three evils.........Personally I would like to replace all the candidates with the Backyardigans, they're so much more agreeable. Dont you think? Now that I'm decided I feel much more peaceful. Trying to choose was much more stressful than I realized but, being a diabetic healthcare is an extremely important issue to me. McCains plan just blew chunks in my opinion. I just hope Hilary is a better president than she was last time.....

Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair. George BurnsUS actor & comedian (1896 -

Worms on the Side

I have a confession to make.... I think worms are totally kewl. So being the curious person I am I went to the library and got some books about worms. That was exciting reading. Im sure most people know worms are self-propagating but, did you know they lay their eggs in little nests underground; where they can stay for up to THREE years before hatching!!! Also, all worms are both boys and girls. That could be fun...mebbe? I think thats SO wickedly neat. No, really I am a girl........ Anyhoo, life is boring today. I also seem to be out of sarcasm, I think I must be dying.....

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together....
Carl Zwanzig

What's Behind Door Number Three?

So who's following the presidential debates? I am a little but not as much as I should.....Anyhoo in my professional opinion all the candidates are whack. They argue like little kids on tv. I wont mention any names (cough obama cough) dont even salute the american flag. Cmon people cant we do any better than this? Is this REALLY the best the U.S. has to offer these days? I mus admit there has only been one good president in my lifetime( Reagan) and no great ones. Also, I would just like to say I feel it really is unfair for Hilary Clinton to be in this election, since she was already president once............
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Be Kind Please Rewind

You're probably wondering how I can go from druggie to, Hey Im fabulous. Well it wasnt quick. The two years I havent blogged were two long hard years. Im pleased to say I'll have two years clean the end of this month. weeeeee!! I still have hard days but the hardest days are nothing like before. Im single. No more dirty cheat boyfriends or crazy relations. I still dont know what Im going to do with my life, but I DO KNOW I can do something with my life, other than throw it away on sex drugs and rock N roll. I thought I should just rewind and let the world know I WIN!!!

People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out,but when the darkness sets in,their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
-Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

The Misadventures of Ploot Alter

wOOt! The cable guy suggested a game while he was hooking up our internet service. He says: It's like the Sims check it out. I say: Cool I will. ( Was he hitting on me?) So I go check it out. It took me about three hours just to make an account. Of course coming up with a name is next to impossible so recalling Dara Joys new book title I named the character Ploot. Yeah I know its sounds like someone trying to go to the bathroom. Anyhoo I get on there (the game site), Im pretty sure that there was some sort of purpose to th e game, what it was a more intelligent person could probably figure out. Not me. You could fly though, which was pretty kewl. The site is http://www.secondlife.com/ Someone check it out and let me know if you can decipher the goal!!! This is worse than a rutabaga in disguise.
Fear less, hope more;Whine less, breathe more;Talk less, say more;Hate less, love more;And all good things are yours."
-Swedish Proverb

I've Got a New Attitude

Wassup, Im back and better than ever. No more psycho boys and girls.
So if anyone actually read my blog and liked it, well here I am. I will try to get everything updated and back on track in the next couple weeks. Good to be back it is.

Im So Lonely...............

W00T!! Here I am again, same stuff, differrent day. I miss Sam like crazy. I wish he would just come to church on his own, cant do much proving if someone's makin ya do it, right? I just wont live that life anymore, I cant, it was kiling me. In the most literal sense of the word. Oh, if anyone out there sees my buddy Dan tell him Hey for me allright!!!
"The trouble with most folks isn't so much their ignorance,as knowing so many thingsthat ain't so."-- Josh Billings

Sam I Am

Here I am again at the good 'ol public library. Me and my boyfriend are finally broke up (for real). Sadly, he seems to be all I can think about, I miss hims SO much, but I know there's nothing there for us anymore. To much has happened. I will always have a special place in my heart for him, I think I might miss him forever.It's just to deppressing to write about today. Hi Dan love ya sweetcheeks!!!

I do not feel that I am the product of chance, a speck of dust in the universe, but someone who was expected, prepared, prefigured. In short, a being whom only a Creator could put here; and this idea of a creating hand refers to God. - Jean-Paul Sartre