Only the Penitent Man Will Pass

"For all those things My hand has made, and all those things exist," Says the Lord, "but on this one I will look : On him who is poor and of a contrite spirit, and who trembles at My Word." Isaiah 66:2

I've said this before but in 2005 I went from a normal house wife to a junkie. I got clean February 28th 2006. In the last two years, I feel like God has put me through a 12 step recovery program. This is the series explaining that. I hope this will give hope and courage to someone who needs it.
When I first got clean I moved back in with my parents. I felt so dirty and ashamed of the things I'd done I couldnt look any one in the eye. I felt like I was rotten, and wasted on the inside.
When I gave my heart to the Lord I still felt......wretched. I knew I was saved but I wasnt so awful. At least I thought so. Every time I prayed, I begged God to fogive me for the terrible things I'd done. It took me a long time to realize, God had already forgiven me. When I gave my heart to Him, he cast all my sins as far as the east is from the west. The problem was, I hadnt forgiven myself. I knewI had devestated my husband, wounded my child, and given my parents much grief. Through the first few months of being clean God gave me things to do that made me feel like I was working off my debt. My debt had already been paid when Jesus died for me, but I needed to do something to feel.....normal....again. It didnt happen over night, it took months for me to feel like I deserved good things again, but I needed to get dowen on my knees and as k for forgiveness. I had to really mean it . Deep down in my heart of hearts, where I live I had to be sorry, not just sorry for doing drugs, but sorry for all the hurt I'd caused all the wrong I'd done. It doesnt mean anything, if it doeant come from the heart. I had to reach the point of true contrition to reach the next step in my recovery.

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. Mark TwainUS humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 - 1910)

I Keep Going and Going....

I have been so super busy, I just havent had time to post. Although, I will be doing a 12 part series very soon. In the last 3 years I have experienced and seen much. My physical and spiritual journey has been difficult to say the least. God has been so good to me and I really want to share the steps he has been taking me thru. I call it my 12 step progam, because thats what it is. I have been in session with the ultimate Counselor and I dont intend to leave. My road to recovery has been agonizing and incredible. I hope this helps someone else!


If the human mind was simple enough to understand, we'd be too simple to understand it. Emerson Pugh