Well, here I am again. All this time and life only seems to be worse. I know I am doing it to myself, no one controls my life, or choices but me. Saying I feel lost would be an understatement at this point. Drowning in despair more aptly fits my state of mind. I dont seem to care about anything anymore. I find myself wondering what it is Im supposed to learn from all this and when Im going to get smart and learn it. I wish I could feel something other than this crushing misery, but I cant seem to find my way back to anything good. I can feel God's finger on my heart, hopefully soon, I'll stop trying to push it away.
In all my life, I have never been so wrong, or felt so small as I do right now.
Sunday, December 11, 2005
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